This topic is a bit embarrassing but I promise to be very transparent in every opinion piece I write. I’m going to reveal something which most women who find themselves in my situation are too ashamed to admit.
Most women barely talk about it and others go away in shame, blaming themselves for the individual who caused their pain. I’m a firm believer of people only do what you allow them to do, however, when you’re being conned by an entire family it’s hard to see a narcissist behaviour.
I married a narcissist and con man in his country six years ago. And if some of you are thinking we know the story all too well, or perhaps some of you are like myself a hopeless romantic, and are thinking there was a happy ending. You don’t know my story.
I was conned by a narcissist who stopped at nothing to obtain a green card. I thought I was being careful not applying for sponsorship for him as his legal wife for five years after marriage.
I always had my reservation about him because there was something off in his behaviour. Here are two examples one time after a petty relationship argument I blocked him from a social media site, he vowed to never friend me again.
The other time he wore a neck tag of my organization at a seminar, and although he resigned from the position within six months after another petty argument about the direction I wanted to go five years later I found out he was using my organization for personal and professional development.
The deception was real. So here’s the thing when a narcissist con man makes of his mind he’ll do whatever it takes to reach his goal. He’s there for the long haul by any means necessary, and will stop at nothing to get what he wants no matter who he hurts.
He waited, faked it, sexed me, smiled in photos, celebrated anniversary’s, cooked dinner, met friends, went out on the town, purchased credit, introduced me to family members, shared a room over the summer with me in his grandmother’s village, visited my family in the United States, spoke to my brothers, my daughter, Drumroll please he even married another woman while waiting for me to apply for his green card.
The woman he married gave him the green light to continue the marriage as she sacrificed her own self-worth for his green card. You see the happy ending was planned all along between the two of them.
I know what you’re thinking, there were signs, I knew about it. Why would I allow myself to get involved with a narcissist? Why was I so stupid? I’m crazy?
You would never let it happen to you? He played me? What’s wrong with me? I was desperate? I needed a man? Did I really think it would work? I should’ve known better? Long distance relationships never work?
I get it. I’ll take it I understand.
If you met me you’d never think I would allow for someone to be so deceitful. I’m a strong woman. I’m spiritual, God fearing, a good mother, and very independent.
However, when the entire family including the husband, his mother, sister, traditional wife, brother, and aunty from my country are all conspiring against you to con you what’s a girl to do. The family was the greatest pretender. They were all very convincing and believable.
The mother’s behaviour was surprising; she made me shito, asked her seamstress daughter to make me beautiful blouses, and wanted to teach me twi, an Akan dialect widely spoken in Ghana.
It was the mother’s idea to call her sister in my country to co-sponsor after immigration denied his entry. I was still being cautious and had omitted financial information on the application.
He couldn’t obtain a student visa because of his marital status, and our U.S immigration process was still on hold five years later.
He started acting out of desperation because he needed to attend an extended course in my country at a prestigious university.
It was a course part of the program he attended in his country (Ghana). He wanted desperately to show anyone who doubted him that he made it to a prestigious university in the states.
He was a big man now. Just like a narcissistic person it was only a seminar he hadn’t graduated from Harvard.
The narcissist stopped at nothing he pleaded and begged me to speak with his aunt in my country. He asked his brother to call me about giving him the opportunity and working things out.
He promised to purchase me a bigger wedding ring, and to marry in front of my family in the states. If only I could help him make our lives better.
He would find work buy a house and buy me a truck to ride in the village when I’m in his country. The pressure was mounting he was relentless.
He started begging me morning, noon, and night until I sent off the immigration papers and allowed his aunt to the information that was needed to get his application approved.
Needless to say two weeks later after his arrival to the states and spending a week at my home waiting for the green card and social security card to arrived and disappeared with both documents in hand.
Later upon investigation discovery the woman he also married had attended the same course and was living with her student visa in my country.
They both live in an apartment with her name on the lease. Yes both are living as husband and wife after he picked up the green card from my house and disappeared.
I contacted him and he said I was lucky he picked the phone to speak with me his words were disappointing and appalling.
Today, it’s been over ten months and it’s a new year. I’ve contacted him again it wasn’t a very pleasant text or email as you can imagine coming from an emotional woman such as myself.
I asked for the divorce paper and like a true narcissist, he turned things around accusing me of sleeping with every man I met, revealing traumatic experience I told him in confidence, accusing me of not giving him money for support, calling me out of my name, told me to go suck off mutual friends, and made threats about the banker he married and her friends doing harm to me.
The man I married is no longer the person I knew. He’s a bad nightmare which I want to wake from and to escape. I actually was a true believer in marriage and the vows before God … for better or worse … sickness and in health till death do you part.
What would you do?
Your comments are welcome. Stay tune to find out what I decided to do.
By Ginger Snapps
